theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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