I faked an abortion last night.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
