we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
