worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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