this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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