You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and she was petting her beer can
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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