Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
