awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
