We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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