"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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