My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
