Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
