i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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