Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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