You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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