I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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