Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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