So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
