I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
