Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just threw up on my dentist
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
