Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
