Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
