Non-Jews are for practice
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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