Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
