I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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