We named our party play list daddy issues
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My breasts were aching with rage.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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