I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
