Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So vagazzling was a success
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
