You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
is that a dick in a sweater?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
