Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
