drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
