We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
