textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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