She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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