My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You need Xanax blowdarts
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
