Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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