So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
