I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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