I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
