if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
