please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
time to smoke my breakfast
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize