I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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