i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
