Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
