so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
