yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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