I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize