He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
