but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
