My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize