I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
