Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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