we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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