my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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