Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
