im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
