I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
