Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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