I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
