girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
