I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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