I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
