Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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