i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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