Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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