i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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